In which I come clean.

If I have any regular readers left, you will have noticed that I have been not blogging much in the past few days. The official excuse is the much moving and resettling I have been doing. This is not only involved physical relocation, but the disruption and reselling of my connectivity to the world, both online and by phone. Especially difficult has been the transition to a UK phone number, since I no longer have easy access to the web connectivity which allowed me to post blog updates via phone. I still haven't gotten around to setting up my crappy old phone to connect to the Internet here. So all of this together is essentially meant radio silence from me here in Scotland.

Except that's bullshit.

All of the foregoing, whilst true, is not the real reason for my absence.

It's small-minded envy.

For the past few weeks, I have been finding myself incredibly envious of others. Their lives, their relationships, their opportunities, their creature comforts. I have been comparing myself and finding myself wanting (in both senses of the word), and beating myself up about it. The thing is, these kind of thoughts are unusual for me; I have many faults, but being small-minded and jealous has never been my modus operandi before. To put it bluntly, I have been throwing a first-class pity party with myself of the guest of honour. And this has affected my blogging in two ways; talking myself into depression has sapped my will to write, and what little I do want to write is all along the lines of "poor me".

Well, screw that for a game of marbles.

Things are not easy for me right now, in fact I think they are about the toughest I can remember in some ways. However it is still a long ways from the end of the world as we know it. I have some pretty important and amazing things going for me. And while none of these by themselves solve my immediate problems, they definitely put me had the game compared to a lot of people. Here then, for my benefit more than yours, is a list of reasons for me to be cheerful.

First and foremost, my health. Oh, it's not perfect, but it could be a lot worse. And, I am now living in a country where if something does happen to me, I actually have access to health care.

I am for the most part, completely debt free. While I was still living in Arizona and making good money, I managed to pay off my huge student loans from the 1980s and early 1990s. Also, when I left the US I left no debt behind me; car loan, credit cards, et cetera were all paid off. The only money I owe is a small amount on the car I just purchased, which will be easily taking care of once I'm working again.

I am a citizen of the UK, and thus eligible to work anywhere in the European Union. This means that lots of jobs in my field, which would normally be tough for Americans to qualify for, are open to me.

I have a Ph.D., which allows me to jump the queue in the bread line and allows me to sit at the high table at any soup kitchen in the UK.

And finally, I am me. And as imperfect and nonoptimal that is in many ways, my experience has been that I have managed to muddle through in many disparate unusual circumstances and been okay. In fact, it's not exaggerating too much to say that my life has been a series of highly unlikely adventures, one after another. All of which I have coped with and survived. There is no reason to believe that my ability to cope and survive has suddenly evaporated.

Spero meliora, baby.